Saturday, January 21, 2012

The other problem

Maybe it's the real problem, actually. Mr. Jewess doesn't have friends at our Temple. I have a friend who's rapidly becoming a good friend, but her husband is always at work so we've never met him. And I also hang out with the Rabbi, Cantor and Educator who are all women. Mr. Jewess isn't afraid to be friends with women but like most men, he prefers to hang out with other men, and he doesn't have any male friends at the Temple.

This means that we don't have any families that we are friends with. And that means that the Temple can never really be a social center for us.

It's a problem.


  1. I don't know how big your temple is, but ours is so large (almost 1,000 families) that it is easy for people to feel disconnected unless they find a niche within the larger congregation. I've found that in order to feel socially connected, you need to make an effort -- i.e., do more than show up for services.

    Sam got drafted onto a strategic plan committee several years ago, which led to a board seat and then committee roles, and along the way got to know lots of other members (both men and women).

    An acquaintance within the temple put together a chavurah, a group of about five families with young children who meet every month or two for a shabbat, havdalah, holiday celebration etc. Over the years we have become very good friends with the other families. That's another route to finding a "mini-community" within the larger temple community. Sometime chavurot click and sometimes they don't; we were in one that the temple officially arranged and another that was put together by a different friend and neither of them gelled. But this one did. It's kind of a matter of luck and personalities...

    Or does Little Jewess have any kids she seems to have an affinity for at Hebrew school? Invite the whole family over for dinner and see if there's a rapport among the parents...

    The trick is for Mr. Jewess to get out there. Try some of the ongoing smallish events at your temple like Torah study, book groups, etc. But it takes some proactive effort on his part.

  2. All good advice. We've tried a few of them. I'll suggest some of the others to Mr. Jewess.